Fair readers - tris and dus, newbies and vets,
short coursers, long coursers, ultras and their pets,
Hail to the leaders, the bleeders, heavy sweaters and the cool,
Here’s to cold beer in summer and hot toddies this Yule!

God rest ye merry energetic triathletic souls,
Happy base building, full logbooks – meet all your goals!
Yes it’s the Slowtwitchers, wishing y’all well,
Singing happy carols of fat-burning noel.

But mostly this tome is a big hug to report,
Sweet thoughts to neighbors throughout our fair sport,
A time for warm wishes of you from here,
To swim-bike-runners in ev'ry hemisphere

To Fiona and Bevan, sibling Dochertys,
Swift finish line sprints, as oft as you please.
To Matty and Snuffy, proud brothers Reed,
Fraternal good will and more closing speed

To Snowy and Walto, new bride and groom
Some capacious new space for their cramped trophy room,
Betrotheds Jordan and Jill, Rappstar and Savege,
Bask in the lovelight, race well on the edge!

To Greg and Sian and their sprightly little Welches,
Eternal good humor that time never squelches.
To Pippa’s poppa, Whitfield Simon,
A fourth Olympics, bright B.C. sun.

Hail Tom Evans and Joanna Zeiger!
When you’re 60, you’ll conquer da Eiger!
Huzzahs Helen Tucker and Holly Avil,
Great Brits indeed sporting speedy young wheels!

On Pottsy, on Richie, on Terenzo Bozzone,
Looking forward to more clashes in half Iron zone.
For Macca, king smackah, strong cables galore,
Truncated races at Kona no more!

Fair Keller, Fernanda, Tri-Queen of Carnaval,
Another win at 42, smiles shared with us all
Wendy Wingnut, five Ironman wins,
Not half as happy as new baby grins

Clink all cups to Brooke Davison,
Mother of three, top AG, second to none.
James Spader, Ralph Nader, nor Oakland Raider
Holds a candle to Iron Wendy Mader

Vanessa and Javier, Iberian royals,
Fought hard in Beijing, just missed the top spoils
Unending Aussie ois to fair Miss Granger,
Chrissie couldna won if Belinda’d been a stranger

Fond farewells to world champ Lessing,
Hello coach Simon, with Wellington’s blessing
Here’s hoping old pals DeBoom and P Reid
Might return to Kona with their accustomed speed

Hosanna Shanna Banana - and Alex Ribeiro,
Come back to Ultraman, champions co.
Hail Kristin Armstrong, former tri,
Beijing cycling gold, held on high

May the Tour's Sir Strong Arm Lance,
Some day find his way to the Kona dance
For Benno and Laura’s new Boulder house,
Warm fires joyful laughter, and nary a mouse!

All rise and cheer for trailblazer Les,
Whose IOC campaign gave us Olympic success
To Fertic and Gilbert and Davy Kahune,
May Ironman, USAT and Xterra find 2009 a boon.

May hard-working zebra Jimmy Ricitello,
Find this year's Timo Bracht a little more mellow
To Vito and Eli and the gang at Zoot's,
Some fancy pants post-race seersucker suits.

May coach Siri Lindley and Rinny Carfrae,
Have a rollicking debut on Kona’s Queen K
St. Nick grant quick footed Andreas Raelert,
A puncher’s chance at Kona paydirt

For Crowie, Neri and sprightly Lucy,
Some Hawaiian fruit, sweet and juicy
To scientific, analytic Thunder Bear,
Some fashionably cool post race wear

Just who put the hot in Hottentot?
Why forever young Ironman Mr. Bob Scott,
To coach Cliff English and red-hot McGlone,
A healthy New Year and muscles well toned

For Paula Newby-Scooby-Dooby-not-a-Newbie Fraser
Unlimited cuddles, with Huddle, Paul-needs-a-razor
For the Duke of San Diego, media mogul John,
Less hot breath on his neck from the CGI’s dons.

For good-hearted, generous Mr. Bob Babbitt,
Age fifty-plus legs as quick as a rabbit
“You’re an Ironman!”’s silver-tongued Reilly,
May his throat be strong and wit stay wily

Sarah Haskins bright smile will never grow old,
May her World Championship silver turn into gold.
Merry wassail Collinses, Judy and John,
For Ironman’s founders, an aerobic orison.

For Ueberbiker, fun-lover, Herr Jurgen Zack ,
A toast in his name, good memories, no lack
And Kona twice-conqueror, Uberbiker zwei,
A Normannator toast to this Stadler guy

Neue lang syne Holland’s Yvonne Van Vlerken,
Now a contender at Kona a’ lurkin’
If water she’d conquer, Hungary’s Csomor,
Kona chances, though slim, a still-open door

Glad tidings Natascha, so courageous, so brave,
Broken bones could not quell your Queen K wave
Brian Boyle, paralyzed not long ago one day,
Reborn, energized, amazing! On Pele’s fields of play

Thanks for the thrills, Dr. James Gills,
Shepherding Valerie’s dream baby most surely fulfills.
Here's hoping that Providence Equity’s,
Keeping Ironman open to some Walter Mittys

But in our madcap Christmas spree,
Take time out for fond reverie,
Of a life well lived, adventurous, free,
Barbara Warren, we so loved thee!